Stofile seems to be a name one needs to win political favour within sporting circles in South Africa these days. Not only have we had a Mike Stofile working as deputy vice president of the South African Rugby Union, we also have a Makhenkesi Stofile running sports as a whole in South Africa. To be a Stofile is to be a sporting wunderkind it seems. One would also be forgiven for thinking that the title “Minister of Sports and Recreation” would automatically suggest a person who had either extensive sports administration experience or even a successful professional sports career as part of their background. You would be excused for assuming so but you would be terribly wrong if you made that assumption.
I have been thinking to myself recently, “Self, who exactly is this Comrade Stofile and what makes him qualified to to run the very sports which are responsible for your current high blood pressure and receding hairline? Who is this political beast that manages to terrify selection panels so? Why is he being used to scare Afrikaans children into eating their vegetables and going to church on Sunday?”
Lets review his background and recent history a little and see what he brings to the table. Surely I am being unfair to criticize a man I know little about? I must admit, I am incredibly impressed and almost in a state of awe after doing the necessary research. The man exudes competence. Consider:
1. He studied towards a masters in Theology
Rugby is like a religion in South Africa. Football manages to drum up costumes even more ludicrous than the Church of Zion after the obligatory (or we strike) Christmas bonus. Cricket too has a lot of Hindu support and there is no doubt that Stofile does look a bit like a cow. Ray MaCauly went from wrestler to Donald Tru…I mean savior of South Africa almost overnight. That provides further evidence of yet another correlation between sports and religion in South Africa.
Fuck the idea that he has no formal training in sports administration! Who needs an education in Sports Administration, Business Administration or any administration (I include typing and shorthand) when you are a Theologian? Who? He is perfectly qualified thank you very much. You dont need administrative experience when you have Jesus on your side. The line between sports/religion in South Africa is blurred anyway. This is not a problem at all and you are a racist cunt for thinking it would be.
2. Stofile was instrumental in the campaign which led to the cancelled All Black tour of Apartheid South Africa in 1984.
It was a massive boost for the anti-Apartheid movement and it sends a clear message to all and sundry that he knows how to organise a political hoe down. Im sure Cheeky Watson needs to only think of Stofiles accomplishment and any need for Viagra dissipates instantly. No one has a problem with his successful protest in 1984, especially Naas Botha who was probably going to get monstered in that series anyway, but it does beg the question:
What does his ability to protest have to do with SPORTS ADMINISTRATION AND POLICY MAKING?
Very little it seems, although it does provide further evidence of what a buffoon I really am. Not just me, those that would defy his credentials too. His appointment is ingenious really. South Africa does not need people with the traditional credentials or experience to fill this post. They would only lack the logical approach required to minister sports and recreation the way the ruling party believes it should be done. They would lack the ability to view things politically. After all, how are we ever going to right the injustices of the past if we cant, at the very least, smell the vinegar coated all over the chip we carry on our shoulder?
We need to seriously get with the program here. Unless you fought in the struggle you will NEVER be able to steer the ship that is South African sport, you fucking incompetent. Get that into your thick skull already. Sheesh. What do you want here? Crayons?
3. He played wing at club level…
…and would have no doubt captained the Springboks if not for those racist fucking Dutchmen that did not allow blacks to play rugby with them. Who scores all the tries anyway? WHO? Its only logical to assume that the person who would typically score the most points in a rugby match is going to know how to score points everywhere else too. This oke knows how to score points.I dont want to call them brownie points because that would be racist, so I will call them “sucking up points” instead. He just really knows how to score them. With everyone. This is a huge asset to South African sports. The ability to bring political clout to sports and keep the ANC happy.
4. He told Pieter de Villiers to sober up
No one likes a drunk. Im sure when they were sitting at the local tavern discussing transformation and the tactical approach required to win a Tri Nations, poor Comrade Stofile must have thought “Hey, this guy says he loves Jesus. I love Jesus. Even Jesus enjoyed the odd glass of wine from time to time. Im sure he does not go through life permanently pissed like this. We need a black man coaching the Springboks already anyway. Fuck not having a record at first class level, he makes my loins sing”
We can forgive Stofile for feeling let down and its not like he knew Div would turn into the babbling, Eastern Cape Mark Twain wannabe he has become. Even though he has admitted to knowing him personally he could not foresee this happening. Just because they played rugby together in the past does not mean he should shy away from doing him the odd favour either.
The fact that he is telling Div to calm down now just goes to show the kind of leadership and judgment this man has.
5. He almost became the man who signed off all sporting selections
I cant believe that we never passed this bill. How can transformation, and the obvious boost in performance and improved results it would bring, be left to the coaches alone? How? Those racist pricks ignore black players out of spite and there is no way they are going to get the necessary numbers in the side unless we let the government step in.
This is a guy that kept New Zealand off the plane in 1984!!! No one knows sports better than Comrade Stofile!!! No one!!!
Its not like he wanted control of all the teams anyway. Just the most successful ones, that being cricket and rugby. Not only are these teams refusing to select players of colour ad nausem, but being the more successful teams that they are does require some level of intervention. At least to ensure we dont fuck up their success any further. CATCH A WAKE UP PEOPLE. This is good for the sporting codes. We need Stofile to get more involved here.
6. He will spend what he needs to and will make sure the job is done. To hell with you
What, you think this shit comes cheap? The man is a Presbyterian, not Ryan Kankowski. Penny wise, pound foolish the English say and I for one agree with them. Those bonuses were for a job well done. Besides, it was probably Christmas. What kind of Theologian would not hand out a bonus over the religious holidays?
Corporate governance issues? Corporates and sports dont go together you nitwit. Maybe the odd team building day or when they advertise on the players kit, but sports are all about having fun. Corporate governance is all about work. Where the fuck is the recreation in that? Minister of Sports and RECREATION. Take your corporate what what and just leave this man alone already.
Corruption charges? Pfffffft. He rejected them with contempt man. With contempt. That is a fucking strong rejection. Not to mention he is a Revrend
I must admit, I had my doubts about him. Not anymore though. Comrade Stofile has my full confidence going forward. It just goes to show that when you do the proper research you can often discover those nuggets of truth that completely blow your preconceptions out the water. I am so sorry I doubted you china.I know that this is merely the tip of the iceberg when we detail your exploits and achievements, but I got the picture now. We all do.
Entries (RSS)